just another wistful reflection on love.

i used to be in love with love.

i used to believe in the power and the beauty of the magical quality that transforms relationships into shining creative, life-giving entities.

i used to find myself enthralled by the mystery and the spontaneous combustion of new love.

i used to wait expectantly for it to find me.

i don't want to be jaded. i don't want to be burnt out. but after all the weddings and all the engagements, all the couples and the seasoned relationships, it's begun to feel like love is only how i make a living.

reasonably, i know that i don't have to wait for love. i know that i'm surrounded by it. My friends are gracious and my Savior is fully redemptive. But every day my fingers slip more progressively from my sturdy grip on the belief that romance is going to work for me. My defeatism and disenchantment grow, chipping away at my vision of what could have been mine.

this is something i regret.

love is still beautiful to me, i just have stopped believing that the beauty of love is FOR me.

Let's be honest. the quest for love is a fool's errand, and it takes courage to continue the search.

But love is life, and I choose today to continue to believe in it, even if romance was never written into the script of my life. The love which i affirm encourages, brightens, and creates. The love that i will propagate closes chasms and dissolves distress. The love that i believe in has the last word in a world where death gets all the biggest headlines.

i will drop the cynic's axe.

i will believe. i will change.

i will.