still waters stagnate

reflections, originally uploaded by sing.sweet.

i've fallen off, i've made my peace
the rushing water's taken me
down from my place of easy rest
i hate this change but know it's best.

beauty in tumbling shifting of life
throughout my days, i know they're rife
with tumultuous times and bumpy ways,
but i'm here for the cheese at the end of the maze.

so confused

what am i learning, what am i feeling?
you really want to know?
then man up, make your life your own.
step up and tell me so.

confused and angry, sad and sure
i know that this is right
but it sure is hard to elect lonely darkness
when i have the choice of light

what am i learning, what am i feeling?

you really want to know?

yeah... me too.

[[side note - i think i'm going to try and use original photos from now on. i'll let you know if they're not mine.]]

open

on the road to satisfaction 

i have found my bargain plea

see, there's nothing i can offer

'cept myself: and all of me. 

cuz i can't give just my intellect

and cant give just my pride

if i'm holding on to anything

my arms aren't open wide

to embrace the road before me

and embrace a love that's true.

so i'm dropping everything i've got

and holding on to you.

the road to satisfied...

i dont like this,

feeling useless

i dont like 

to feel alone.

does it matter 

if i like it?

is it hopeless?

is it home?

is it what i have

resigned to?

is this all 

the life i chose?

i wont whine, but

is this forever?

they say heaven

only knows.

only you can love me

no doubt the world will keep knocking us down,

but naturally we've come through it.

it's unmistakable how being loved like this feels

and only you can do it.

your love is different than everyone else's

i'm drawn to what just you can offer

there's respect i can notice, wonder i can feel-

i hang on your words as you proffer.

you understand the desires of my heart,

and i understand what you say

on top of your aid your heart comes a la carte...

only you love me that way.

insecurity

always someone to take your place

always someone better

you either disappear without a trace,

or you're mimicking to the letter. 

it's not you, not what you love-

your beautiful disaster. 

you're losing yourself in a sea you're scared of

and gaining timidity faster.

a beauty, intelligent, but insecure

don't forget to be true to the truth!

compromise that and you lose what is pure:

your passions, your quirks, and your youth.

now you've had hardships that have made you sure.

been beaten and broken and battered.

but here's something you can be gratified for:

that damned insecurity's shattered. 

gratitude for grace

as i look to you for guidance with my shallow seeking eyes,

they will brighten when i find you, which should come as no surprise.

am i looking for adventure, or the kind of life you bring?

am i hoping to find treasure or the chance for me to sing?

i want nothing but your comfort, and that way which you would have

for my feet to walk in step with yours is the most soothing salve

that ever i would find on earth, by farther and away...

and my heart laughs in gratitude, for i know not what else to say.

family

singing through sadness, fighting back fears

repressing the dark doubts and strangling tears.

running towards light which, far as you can see,

seems as far as it always has been and will be. 

long days and short nights wear you out, clear and thin

as you tug on your bootstraps, and wear your false grin.

dear one, there is true hope; dear love, there is life

try forgetting your worries and leaving your strife,

come home to the family who loves you more deeply

who will fight for you staunchly and climb for you steeply,

never forget where you came from, dear child

though you seek to be free and you live to be wild...

come back home to the family whose love will be there. 

your family is who you have. 

families care.

beauty and tears

-Grandparent's day 2009-

heartache and love, beauty and tears

a soothing sad voice as it falls on my ears

is there something that calms me or makes me to know

that we'll all just feel better, and once again grow?

love from the heartache, beauty from tears

never forgetting you soothe all my fears

there's nothing that makes me know better than this:

the repressive embraces that follow death's kiss.

goodbye, me-mah.

don't leave me.

surrounded by love, but you won't overbear

pathetically feeble and weepy.

you feel like you're just begging them

dont let me go, don't leave me.

who knew that it could feel this way

the loss, the setback, the sting.

they don't tell you grieving in time and as is

is the most ordinary thing.

different for all, but universally true

the feeling transcends the behavior

needing more than a cuddle and more than a friend...

needing a literal savior.

"don't let me go, don't leave my side",

your heart cries out to be held.

don't you wish you deserved it, wish you'd been good?

don't you wish you had never rebelled?

oh, how He loves us!

full of excitement and love of the world

you're a giggling, perfectly beautiful girl.

forgetting your mishaps and every last flaw,

you can now stand in wonder, and worship in awe.

no good, very bad day.

sometimes its a no good very bad day

and there's nothing you can do

there's blue sky somewhere but clouds above

and they're pouring down on you. 

its okay to be angry sometimes

to feel frustrated and upset

just remember that someday, and someday soon,

will be good as it's gonna get.

Jewel

Jewel, originally uploaded by Shootages.

softly, softly - so softly you come
the subtle excuses that leave me quite dumb.
gently you've worked your way into my head
priorities changed, nothing more to be said.
you found me alone and you came back to me
removed anger, resentment, and then let me see
and i'm happy again, in a way that's sincere.
oh jewel of joy, how i love that you're here.

delicate.

emotion rules me more than it ought

the delicate balance is thrown off again.

god, take me away, away from this dissonance

to a place where the love doesn't end.

a tear falls down, of joy or remorse?

in confusion i want nothing but to be held.

but rolled tightly inward, i clutch my own knees...

in hurt i'm inspired, in darkness compelled.

it's walking a tightrope, it's talking in code

it's delicate work that takes more than a friend

oh, stop this frustration! oh, take me away...

to a place where the love will not end.

the beauty in me

waking to a cold wet world.

opening my eyes

colorless, lifeless, but beautiful,

i find to my surprise.

there's beauty in good and beauty in bad

beauty in all that i'm seeing...

I love the creation of all as it is - 

its' storming and falling and being.

who knew that a day that i thought would bring hate 

dawning, made me to be free?

the cynic is gone, i can start moving on,

and start seeing the beauty in me.

refuge

full of peace, dripping with radiance
this solitude is very nice,
a place that makes me the picture of salience.
but every refuge has its price.

slow motion

there's a door to my heart i'm stuck behind,

i once peered through the rusted lock.

i saw the world for what it was

then turned my gaze back to the clock.

content but not quite satisfied, 

fulfilled but not all there

the colors just aren't quite bright enough

to make me stop and stare.

i feel transfixed inside myself,

trapped in but peering out.

the beauty i see makes me want to be

around, within, about. 

but i can't be seen about the world

in this old unsightly frock...

now the motion is slow, i must stop and go,

as i walk to my door, and knock. 

i'm letting go.

not to worry, not to care, not to be consumed with doubt
to follow what i know i love and live for what i'm all about
to learn to be truly grateful for the blessings on my way,
to stand on the edge of insanity but to know i'll be okay.
to open my hands to the future, and to wholly, completely forgive...
to seek to be truly letting go is the way that i want to live.

make the most

i don't mind a good enthralling day

of being a comfortable me

i'm not scared to laugh, so i should note

that i forgot the tea. 

this day is pretty, and i make the most

of days i wake up with a smile

it means a lot to smile on a day

you've been anxious about for awhile.

a forgetful soul remembering too much

i'm a paradox at best

but i'll make the most of this day that i have

and not worry about the rest.

Neurotic

i just get the feeling like something's not right.

i wanna be helpful, i wanna be strong,

but it's hard when i'm worried too, scared and upset

i just feel like something is terribly wrong.

praying for good and still yearning for best

i hope that this case will be open and shut.

am i overreacting? is there no cause for fear?

i cant shake this feeling inside of my gut.

it's okay, it's alright, we're gonna be fine

no matter the outcome, we're gonna get through.

i love you, i'm with you, there's no need to cry.

just hold on to me - i won't let go of you.

in my place

crucified to set me free...
i live to bring Him praise.

who knew i'd want you through and through-

i gave all that i am for you.

who knew on my best day i'd never be 

enough to give you what you need.

a tragic truth, a stinging curse,

i sing the song - verse after verse

a hopeless cry, a damned refrain...

i've you to lose; but naught to gain.