Sunday, December 27


how nice to be thought of,
how splendid to be loved. 
how wretched to leave,
but what great things await me.
with determination and optimism i set out
to be better than i was, more comely than i noticed, and greater than i knew i could be. 
i go now to be free. 
i can grow, i can learn, i can become, i can dance, i can change lives, i can invest, i can search, i can create, i can hear, see, taste, smell, and feel. i can find, i can write, i can rearrange, 
i can be faithful, i can devote, i can love.
i go now to be free.

Friday, December 25

heaven's love reaching down to save the world

God. with us. 
with us when no one else can be, with us when all we need is love. with us when we're lavished with comfort, with us when we can't stand the pain.
God is here, our servant king came to save the corrupted and depraved world.
and He is with us.
i don't think i fully grasp what it means to have Emmanuel. i don't think i fully understand just how thankful i should be. i know i should be groveling until i am gasping for breath, but if i grasped that concept, i would be doing it instead of stiffarming the Savior every day that i inhale, without a second thought, the air he gives me to breathe.
wrapped in flesh and in swaddling, wrapped in problems and inhibitions, bound by the limits of his being. limitless Lord in miniscule man, creator fettered inseparably to creature. God-child. God-man. Heavenly sacrifice.
Lord, you know our sorrows. You are well acquainted with grief.
be with us, be near us, as we remember when you joined us.
hold us in your arms and never let us go.
Emmanuel, how we adore you, our wonderful counselor, mighty God, and everlasting Father. You will never end and never fail.
Thank You for Christmas.

Wednesday, December 23


be not afraid to stand out, and, when you can't walk, to crawl,
 the world may scowl upon you for your youth
a betterment of self and still a betterment of all,
they need no teacher, who have been anointed with the truth.

obedience the truest sign of the purest form of love,
we search for truth, we do not want - we long;
you can overcome the one that we've been so warned of,
you're written to so soon because your youth has made you strong.

the man who speaks of sacrifice knows nothing of the cost
of an ink quill dipped in blood to sign the deed.
you claim to know of love but spurn your brother, child - you're lost.
no one who has not holiness can try to take the lead.

Tuesday, December 22

a love

a silent, soft, and silly love
is more priceless than you know
the sweetest of all, simply love
that won't just come and go.
a simpering and list'ning love
will know just what to say,
and when to speak and when to stop...
don't take my love away.

Monday, December 21

a debt i could not pay

a rush of fools, in august, has contained the wise for now,
the way i thought that things were good had changed my view somehow.
but the well was ill, and ill-intentioned, teetering to fall,
and fall it did, crashing upon the martyr i had the gall
to make my sad self out to be, and though the old i knew,
the youth was there, my sins laid bare. 
my debt is long past due.

Saturday, December 19

silver spoon

if i pretend for just one moment i'm not of the privileged few - 
silver spoon out long enough to see and not construe, 
have i ever lived one moment of my own constructed time? 
have i ever sacrificed of something, ever spent a dime?
am i, mortal, just enough to tether flesh and soul,
or am i lavish living from a gold and crystal bowl?
who am i to beg for mercy? who am i to cry?
my tears fall softly, soaking velvet as my plump lips sigh.
i've wanted much, and given little; selfish, stubborn, and tough,
and had audacity to think of me as saintly stuff.
the silver spoon i'll sell for you, dear, you who will not eat
today, nor tomorrow; you who make your wares upon the street.
and privileged you know i am, but please, if you can see...
bring yourself not to look down on the lowly likes of me.

Friday, December 18


sometimes i feel like such an impostor.

searching but contented-feeling, happy while alone
i'm simply the most compicated girl i've ever known.
is it a crime to just stay different - original, standout?
is it so bad to stand for things i think that i'm about?
for love and freedom, grace and peace, a wit that does no harm,
for independence right along with classy feminine charm.
i'm grace without the gracefulness, righteous but in the wrong - 
i can't stop singing, but i have yet to find a heartfelt song.
desired but not desirable, confused, i say! complex!
i watch as mountains of desire transform to far-off specks....

the good times, the warm feelings -
 they love me even though i'm different, don't they?

Thursday, December 10

....and obviously, failing...

trying to write, trying to see
trying to know what's actually me.
trying to be who i thought i admired,
trying to live inspired.

living to splash, living to smile,
living to just lay around for awhile,
living to make precious mem'ries that last,
living to leave the past.

aiming to argue, aiming to please,
aiming to just stay away from the sleaze,
aiming to be cute and tender and true,
aiming to follow you.

fighting for clarity, fighting for good,
fighting to care about all that i should,
fighting to stay strong and do right, not fun,
fighting to remain the one.

Monday, December 7


as time is moving on 
you leave your mark upon the past
never knowing what gets lost in time
and what will choose to last

the moments that you knew
would never fall apart are gone
the lines that never seemed would
come to pass now have been drawn.

who knew that true reality
is a cold and biting chill?
the past is gone, but moving on
can kick and batter still.

Thursday, December 3

new hope

i need a new reason to hope.
the old reasons are all used up
and new ones not forthcoming.
walking along, not singing my song,
i need a new reason to hope.

i need a new season to live.
my past seasons are all lived out
and a wall stands here before me.
i've done what i could to make them good
but i need a new season to live.

i want a new outlook on life.
my attitude is not the one
i want to be my story.
there is no way to smile today, 
i want a new outlook on life.
beauty is my new reason to hope. 
tomorrow is my new season to live.
determiation is my new outlook on life.

Wednesday, December 2

"gilead: a hill of testimony"

is there a balm in gilead to heal our putrid woes?
a salve, a soup to cure our ills and serve where'er it goes.
on the hill of testimony, pasts have been laid bare
to prove to one another we can make it, we've been there.
together we will come to find our stance upon ourselves
together, we can make it through the twenty-fours and twelves. 
we'll make it through, we'll find our way, get to a lovely place.
we'll leave this putrid, past-filled town, hold hands, 
and find the grace.