Thursday, February 25


if you're tasting your tears and counting your sighs
if you're watching the tempest just wondering why...

and the world isn't fair, but who said it was?
so let go of your troubles and cling to my love.

but hold on just a little longer.
please hold on for one more day.
once you stop cursing all of your storms,
you will learn to dance in the rain.

cuz I'M catching your tears, I'm counting your sighs
and i know that you're tired and your world's come apart
but i will be near you. i'm holding your heart.

so hold on just a little longer.
hold on for one more day.
when you stop cursing all your storms,
you will learn to dance in the rain...

so force your praise past your twisted lips
until it comes out naturally.
because I'm here,
I have always been.
so come now, come and dance with me.
unclench your fists and raise your hands
let laughter soften your anguished face.
stop waiting for this storm to pass,
and dance with me
in the rain.

Monday, February 22

redemption and delicacy

life is so fragile, and our objectively subjective beauty is delicate.
anything can crush us.
there are no guarantees.

but maybe that's what makes life so brilliant. maybe that's why the resilience of humans is so fantastic. maybe that's the reason everyone's a little beautiful - because everyone has a slice of the glorious human soul.
we live on, precariously, embodying our destinies and dreams in delicacy.
we continue. we don't cease because we are frightened of the unknown.
we can't.
our beauty redeems us, and we live to stand on our beliefs another day.

the fragility of life is defining, but not limiting.
the breathtaking quality of beauty makes it worth struggling on;
and so here we exist: delicate, but redeemed.

Friday, February 19

crystal clear

sometimes, i just wish i were the smart girl who has it all together.
but i'm not.
foggy, murky undertones, and you have plugged my ears;
remembering days i felt right at home, but now what am i doing here?
my days are filled with isolation; my nights are filled with fear-
life has a mean way of thinking it's funny. life's not crystal clear.

laughing at days i thought things were all good, laughing at things i held dear
pushing away what i once thought i loved, and holding my agony near.
there must be a reason i can't hold my peace - my tipped-turvy life drips a tear
for nothing is certain, nothing is sound, and nothing in life's crystal clear.

to grow in my knowledge and stature and love, to be more mature year by year
i wanted it but now i seem paralyzed, and the whole world is stopping to jeer.
my senses are filled up and all overwhelmed, but i can't breathe or see, speak or hear.
i can't breathe or see what i'm coming to be. i can't see. for nothing is clear.

redeeming beauty

beauty in death, redemption in fading
fair but forlorn in a withering way.
safe total loss, gracefully dying.
you paused not to nap, not to loiter or play;
but diligent, finished the task of your heart
quitting for nothing but falling apart.

Tuesday, February 16

dimples in the snow.

in a campus full of footprints, i mix present with the past
by walking in the steps of those i see along my path.
to see where you have come from and to know where you have been;
a visible reminder that contrasts the now with then.
It makes me stop to wonder, even stops me in my tracks
to think that where i stand another shoe 'stepped on the cracks'.
a valued, thoughtful person walked where i am standing now.
their troubles raced around their head as fast as they'd allow.
next time you think of leaving tracks, remember - others will see.
they'll see where you are going and they'll step in your shoes like me.
then time will erode what you have done -
your footprints come and go,
but all your efforts will become just dimples in the snow.

Monday, February 15

I would give anything to make you better
I would give anything to point you to free
I would give anything to help you realize...
--brooke fraser

I'm proud of what i've become.
I've learned how i want to love, and i'm learning to find beauty everywhere, even in me.
I have achievements to speak of, things i have accomplished which i never thought possible.
I'm going places, doing things, being a leader, a winner, an artist, a scholar, and a friend.
I have become persistent. I have become fierce. I am becoming fearless.
I am adventurous, spunky, giggling, serving, and unassuming -
i have always been.
But now i am better, and i continue to grow.
Now, i am free, and i soar on the wings of my perseverance.
Now i realize. Life is not about me.

Sunday, February 14


sometimes, i feel so unstable.
what is it, hormones? poor hormones - they are so overblamed.
sure, it's valentine's. sure, that's not the most exciting day for single people. but i'm that aspiring super-Christian! i have God - He's all i need, right? He's my valentine, and that's just as much fun as dancing and a new necklace and a bouquet of daises, right?
Thomas Watson said, "Whatever trouble in this life a child of God experiences, it is all the hell he will ever have."
Now, i am not expressing the audacity to label my current situation as "suffering", but how profound and comforting is this thought? we can endure a few bad valentine's days in light of the eternity we're receiving, can't we?
and maybe it does sound cheezy. maybe i am trying too hard; but by no means do i have no one. I have the unchanging One, the One who cherishes and protects me. I have the One who gives me the choice to adore Him, respect Him... the One who made me beautiful and loves me more than i have ever been loved before.
what fantastic love this is.
Father, help me love You. Help me miss You when we're apart and linger over the glimpses i get of you. Help me to dwell on You each day, and to need You in order to find happiness.

Wednesday, February 10

a sad song for no one

mystical elegance, frozen serenity
following snowflakes with your hopes unfurled;
disclosing the words of your heart never spoken,
now uttered in silence but heard 'round the world.

the cry of your heart is the heart of the masses -
longing for one who will see and redeem.
you imagine that when you cry, you won't cry lonely,
but everyone knows that your dream's just a dream.

so speak it in silence, the pain of the world
or shout it from rooftops and voice what we know.
but everyone's thinking it, you've just been bolder.
though you hope in your heart, your heart's pain will still grow.

Monday, February 8

grace, peace, and new life.

a weekend of sleep deprivation and still i'm up at 3AM...
how does that happen? :)
well, i got to meet a baby yesterday. i don't know how much i have to say about it, really, except for how beautiful i think new life is. i took some pictures with Sammy, the trusty rebel, and was very pleased with quite a few of them. I have a lot to learn about photography, but every time i shoot i feel like i learn something new, and get better and better.
That's the way i want my every day to be.
what use is a day if i haven't become one step closer to the lady i see myself being? what use is a class if i don't learn how to apply it to my dreams of that better me? what use is a friendship if i don't grow in love, life, happiness and grace? i'm not finished yet. i have more to be than this julie. i have more to see, more to do, more love to give. praise God he doesn't let me sit on my butt and stay where i'm at. praise God for beautiful new life, from my head
to my toes.
may His everlasting peace be mine; and yours as well.

Friday, February 5

i don't love you, but i always will.

sometimes, God affirms us in really weird ways. =]
today, the highlight of my day was making french toast for two very grateful guys. i was in a bad mood, and i had walked across campus four times... come on! I live in Johnson; it's no small feat (for my small feet... ha-ha-ha). but at lunch, somebody actually had use for me. they didn't need to affirm me, they just needed to need me. anyway, i have a lot of experience with french toast and i made it for them, and they loved it. I forgot how refreshing it is for me to do things for other people. it's a part of who i am, i guess it's my love language - acts of service. it makes me happy,
it makes me like to live.
it made me think, gee, i'm glad that i'm going into something that lets me serve people all the time. i know it will be hard and tiring, but i'm so built for it! i'm built to be blessed by selflessness - and how often do i forget that??
India. how pumped am i to get to go, just to serve? oh man.
i'm so excited.
the other highlight of my day was singing
the civil war's "poison and wine" in David's
interruption tonight. some memorable lines... "your hands can heal, your hands can bruise - i don't have a choice but i STILL choose you." "I don't love you but i always, always will."
for some reason, no matter what i sing, i worship. I'm not trying to say i'm all that. i know good singers are pretty much dime-a-dozen, so i know i'm nothing special, but something special does happen to me when i sing. singing doesn't make me-happy, or make me-better... singing just... makes me. i feel liberated and loved, i feel open and honest, i feel
real when i sing.
so, this is what i'm made of:
service and worship.
that's how i wanna live.

Thursday, February 4

changing direction; changing places.

Hey, guys! Well, the purpose of this blog is changing a little bit. Previously, it's been a little bit of a journaling endeavor, something of an outlet for me. There are poems and daily updates and stuff, but from here on out, it's going to be my India blog. I hope you enjoy hearing what God's doing in my life! feel free to click >follow< :)

Monday, February 1

i'm the other son.

and are you the prodigal, or are you the son
who acts like a servant with all undue cause?
rejected relationship, resented, and fumed,
and acted un-thought-of, though he truly was.

opportunity knocks - so act on your chances
don't gloat at the sight of the fall of another!
work on you, and don't worry about what he'll become.
he's not competition, you see, he's your brother.

[you see, i was listening to the sermon,
though it may not have appeared that way]