crystal clear

sometimes, i just wish i were the smart girl who has it all together.

but i'm not.

foggy, murky undertones, and you have plugged my ears;

remembering days i felt right at home, but now what am i doing here?

my days are filled with isolation; my nights are filled with fear-

life has a mean way of thinking it's funny. life's not crystal clear.

laughing at days i thought things were all good, laughing at things i held dear

pushing away what i once thought i loved, and holding my agony near.

there must be a reason i can't hold my peace - my tipped-turvy life drips a tear

for nothing is certain, nothing is sound, and nothing in life's crystal clear.

to grow in my knowledge and stature and love, to be more mature year by year

i wanted it but now i seem paralyzed, and the whole world is stopping to jeer.

my senses are filled up and all overwhelmed, but i can't breathe or see, speak or hear.

i can't breathe or see what i'm coming to be. i can't see. for nothing is clear.