Friday, February 5

i don't love you, but i always will.

sometimes, God affirms us in really weird ways. =]
today, the highlight of my day was making french toast for two very grateful guys. i was in a bad mood, and i had walked across campus four times... come on! I live in Johnson; it's no small feat (for my small feet... ha-ha-ha). but at lunch, somebody actually had use for me. they didn't need to affirm me, they just needed to need me. anyway, i have a lot of experience with french toast and i made it for them, and they loved it. I forgot how refreshing it is for me to do things for other people. it's a part of who i am, i guess it's my love language - acts of service. it makes me happy,
it makes me like to live.
it made me think, gee, i'm glad that i'm going into something that lets me serve people all the time. i know it will be hard and tiring, but i'm so built for it! i'm built to be blessed by selflessness - and how often do i forget that??
India. how pumped am i to get to go, just to serve? oh man.
i'm so excited.
the other highlight of my day was singing
the civil war's "poison and wine" in David's
interruption tonight. some memorable lines... "your hands can heal, your hands can bruise - i don't have a choice but i STILL choose you." "I don't love you but i always, always will."
for some reason, no matter what i sing, i worship. I'm not trying to say i'm all that. i know good singers are pretty much dime-a-dozen, so i know i'm nothing special, but something special does happen to me when i sing. singing doesn't make me-happy, or make me-better... singing just... makes me. i feel liberated and loved, i feel open and honest, i feel
real when i sing.
so, this is what i'm made of:
service and worship.
that's how i wanna live.

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