Confidence

"nothing tastes as sweet as what I can't have."

Confidence.

I was listening to this song tonight, and it kinda struck me - no one has had to exert any confidence over me in quite some time. No one has said, "This was hard, but it's worth the risk of my feelings and my pride - I have to be brave today. You're worth that much to me."

all the guys in songs love these sweet-faced girls who twirl their hair around their fingers and have limpid green eyes and lyrical laughter. Seems like real guys just like boobs.

Now, at the risk of sounding like a lonely college senior who has literally completely run out of all time and any gumption to find a man, I ask you to hear me out.

As I grow in my own confidence, I mind being single less and less. I have a lot to enjoy here, and now. It's not that I never sit in my room and think, "I wish I had somebody I could call right now, just to talk about nothing with," and it's not that I never want someone to be sitting behind me for me to lean on, and it's not that I never want somebody to be holding my hand. I just don't always want that. It's just not always on my mind.

The some times that it is, though, I can get to feeling pretty lonely.

Maybe that magical moment will happen. Maybe I'll find him. Maybe I won't. (sometimes i'm okay with "won't". but if i'm honest,

the "won't" part cripples me sometimes.)

but why?

Someone has exerted confidence on my behalf. someone has said to me "This is going to be hard for me, but you, you- i love; and you're worth it, whether you ever love me back or not." He was a man, not a boy. He was selfless and pure, he was all any girl could ever need.

He has. He loves. He's confidence when i'm unstable. He's faithful when i'm faithless. He showers his affection on me daily. I just have to shift my mindset to accept it.