Thursday, July 9

Something You Are

To be something you’re not-  well, let’s face it, we all do it.  Perhaps it’s compromising to your nature, perhaps you’re not staying “true to yourself”, but we all try on some different identities in order to prove a point, make a scene, be a star, and find out what we truly enjoy. 
But not to be something you are, now that...
that is another thing entirely. 
It is a difficult thing, to the point of near impossibility, to endeavor to change a fundamental point of your personality.  It is easy enough to exasperatedly fling at someone the phrase “oh, stop being such a flirt!” or, “do you always have to wait so long before you answer 
me?” but that is where the ease of the situation ends. 
It feels wrong, morally wrong, to try and change something about yourself that you just are; to try not to do something that you just do – not out of habit, and not as a learned phenomenon, but just because it is what you do.   
Perhaps it would behoove us to learn to overcome this discomfort: just buckle down, bite the bullet, and not do whatever it is we do.  Perhaps we should learn to change, but also change to learn 
(Run Kid Run – Wake up, Get up). 
But I do not think it is possible; no, a person who can simply find change without a valiant struggle is too perfect for humanity. We are all grunting and straining together in the classic challenge of existence: to be better, happier, people becoming more whole and more ideal all the time.  
How can you change who you are? 
Really… should you change who you are? 
How much of you was made with a purpose and how much of you became a part of you sometime after that purposeful creation? 
All I know is that it feels wrong, and so very hard, to change myself --  because, in the end,
I don’t want to lose myself in the changing.

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