ah. Delhi.
Living in the land of never too much has been interesting at my point on my journey to seek simplicity.
All of my things are getting set up, everyone is scolding me for not eating enough rice (You wouldn't believe the sheer amount of rice these people eat. I went to get a bag at the store - you CANNOT buy a bag of rice that weighs less than 5kg - yes, almost ten pounds), and soon i'll be making my own chai again. There are things I like about living with a family, and things I like better about living alone. Adjustments will be made, and soon "normal" will be refocused. Here I am, Here I live, Here I stay.
India is different from America, and different from what it was two years ago, but India is my home.
Those instances which before would elicit from me an exclamation of surprise or delight earn now only a familiar smile, a knowing glance, or a silent shaking of my head. A dog was lying in my stairwell my first full day here. I smiled and ignored it. There was no water pressure yesterday morning, and I didn't raise an eyebrow. I found a $25 item in America for $4 in the market; I simply promptly bought it. The vendors, their wares on rolling carts, cut through the mornings with their impressively loud wailing, advertising their goods in a lilting, melancholy cry. I imagine that the hopelessness I hear in their voices is not only the result of my failing to fully cross a cultural chasm, but that their cries are also their calls of suffering, bemoaning the atrophy of their neglected souls.
But along with those things that are so familiar to me, often there are new feelings.
I knew that through my last semester in college, and especially in the time following, I came into my own more than I ever had previously. My outlook, fashion, social comforts, and attitude all changed, and I became self-aware in a very new way. Living life through my own perspective and according to my actual preferences was new to me, and I relished it. I have been evolving more into me ever since.
Though I knew about this subtle inner transformation, I hadn't thought about how it would affect me here in my daily life. It's truly amazing, though, what a difference it has made. I'm comfortable in situations where I used to squirm; I'm confident in my role and value; I don't mind sharing my opinion or being the only one who is different or making mistakes in order to learn.
Chat Over Coffee is one of the weekly activities here at PMI. Historically, I'd had trouble with this event, and was always waiting for it to be over. Seeking out Indian-born people who are not very comfortable in English and trying to find something in common with them was so difficult for me. But now, just this week, I sat with a group of 7 girls and laughed and chatted with them, willing to be silent when they spoke in Hindi, and glad to share with them when they asked questions of me. It felt much more natural. Tonight, I sang at a program held for the new freshman (called freshers) at Delhi University. Never once have I sung in front of a crowd that I haven't been nervous or had butterflies. But today I sang as comfortably as if no one were there. And even with the friends I had before, my relationships are much more comfortable than they had been. I'm truly enjoying the comfort I have because of my self-confidence. Even though I'm not louder, or more outgoing or excitable, I'm truly more well adjusted socially because of my newfound centeredness. I'm pleased that my personal growth has had a positive effect on my potential for impact... there's something I love about understanding that and being able to see the difference. I'm looking forward to finding more ways it is manifested here.
Tonight at the fresher's celebration I sang and then photographed the event. People came late, and it went long (certainly not unexpected) but everyone seemed to be enjoying it, and the band that was actually there to sing at PMI was really very good. They were the ones wrapping up the evening, and the last song was from a popular movie that the college students all recognize. The lead singer was encouraging interaction and physical response from a culture I've come to know as reserved publicly, and the whole room was coming to life; first singing when they were prompted, then standing, belting every word from the depth of their lungs.
The music surrounded me; carried me away. I moved into the background, sat down and took it all in.
And, in that moment, smiling with my eyes closed, surrounded by a room of Indians singing with joy, I was a character in a Bollywood movie. I've lived through an involved, emotional and storied plot, punctuated by songs, traveling in and out of countries, through love and difficulty, experiencing battles and joys... and all of a sudden, there I was at the happy ending.
(and, like in every good Bollywood movie, after the happy ending came a dance party.)
With love from Delhi,
Julie the new&improved.
Living in the land of never too much has been interesting at my point on my journey to seek simplicity.
All of my things are getting set up, everyone is scolding me for not eating enough rice (You wouldn't believe the sheer amount of rice these people eat. I went to get a bag at the store - you CANNOT buy a bag of rice that weighs less than 5kg - yes, almost ten pounds), and soon i'll be making my own chai again. There are things I like about living with a family, and things I like better about living alone. Adjustments will be made, and soon "normal" will be refocused. Here I am, Here I live, Here I stay.
India is different from America, and different from what it was two years ago, but India is my home.
Those instances which before would elicit from me an exclamation of surprise or delight earn now only a familiar smile, a knowing glance, or a silent shaking of my head. A dog was lying in my stairwell my first full day here. I smiled and ignored it. There was no water pressure yesterday morning, and I didn't raise an eyebrow. I found a $25 item in America for $4 in the market; I simply promptly bought it. The vendors, their wares on rolling carts, cut through the mornings with their impressively loud wailing, advertising their goods in a lilting, melancholy cry. I imagine that the hopelessness I hear in their voices is not only the result of my failing to fully cross a cultural chasm, but that their cries are also their calls of suffering, bemoaning the atrophy of their neglected souls.
But along with those things that are so familiar to me, often there are new feelings.
I knew that through my last semester in college, and especially in the time following, I came into my own more than I ever had previously. My outlook, fashion, social comforts, and attitude all changed, and I became self-aware in a very new way. Living life through my own perspective and according to my actual preferences was new to me, and I relished it. I have been evolving more into me ever since.
Though I knew about this subtle inner transformation, I hadn't thought about how it would affect me here in my daily life. It's truly amazing, though, what a difference it has made. I'm comfortable in situations where I used to squirm; I'm confident in my role and value; I don't mind sharing my opinion or being the only one who is different or making mistakes in order to learn.
Chat Over Coffee is one of the weekly activities here at PMI. Historically, I'd had trouble with this event, and was always waiting for it to be over. Seeking out Indian-born people who are not very comfortable in English and trying to find something in common with them was so difficult for me. But now, just this week, I sat with a group of 7 girls and laughed and chatted with them, willing to be silent when they spoke in Hindi, and glad to share with them when they asked questions of me. It felt much more natural. Tonight, I sang at a program held for the new freshman (called freshers) at Delhi University. Never once have I sung in front of a crowd that I haven't been nervous or had butterflies. But today I sang as comfortably as if no one were there. And even with the friends I had before, my relationships are much more comfortable than they had been. I'm truly enjoying the comfort I have because of my self-confidence. Even though I'm not louder, or more outgoing or excitable, I'm truly more well adjusted socially because of my newfound centeredness. I'm pleased that my personal growth has had a positive effect on my potential for impact... there's something I love about understanding that and being able to see the difference. I'm looking forward to finding more ways it is manifested here.
Tonight at the fresher's celebration I sang and then photographed the event. People came late, and it went long (certainly not unexpected) but everyone seemed to be enjoying it, and the band that was actually there to sing at PMI was really very good. They were the ones wrapping up the evening, and the last song was from a popular movie that the college students all recognize. The lead singer was encouraging interaction and physical response from a culture I've come to know as reserved publicly, and the whole room was coming to life; first singing when they were prompted, then standing, belting every word from the depth of their lungs.
The music surrounded me; carried me away. I moved into the background, sat down and took it all in.
And, in that moment, smiling with my eyes closed, surrounded by a room of Indians singing with joy, I was a character in a Bollywood movie. I've lived through an involved, emotional and storied plot, punctuated by songs, traveling in and out of countries, through love and difficulty, experiencing battles and joys... and all of a sudden, there I was at the happy ending.
(and, like in every good Bollywood movie, after the happy ending came a dance party.)
With love from Delhi,
Julie the new&improved.
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