RAWR.
I am woman, baking and photographing and bringing friends to care group.
Today, sitting here under this fan that sounds like endless nails on a circular chalkboard (the electrician has been on his way to fix it for three days), I feel like I have so many different things to say. Forgive me if this post seems disjointed, but there are many good things to talk about.
One is English. At three days a week now, I have more time in between lessons to prepare and grade, so I feel like I can do a better job of teaching my students. I also love implementing things I learned the first month around to help maximize my teaching time and power. I'm more comfortable integrating the Good News and my opinions, beliefs, and stories as well, which helps the students know me better and serves the true purpose of having and English course. I'm enjoying the growth I'm experiencing there.
Now, here's a funny thing. Throughout my life, I have had trouble with blushing. I blush at times when I am not really embarrassed, and I don't know I'm blushing until someone points it out to me. Then I know everyone thinks i'm truly uncomfortable and THEN i BECOME embarrassed, and it's sort of a problem until I can forget it and move on. I've noticed during English class that when my insecurities surface, I become minutely flushed. I believe at those moments that i'm blushing, though i have no way of knowing. Last week, I was having my students tell creative stories, and my student Babita was telling a story about an elephant who was in love with a cat. I asked her what the name of the cat was, and she thought long and hard, searching her inventory of names, and finally landed on "Julie", forgetting that it was my name she was saying. I had no problem with this. Use my name in your story if you like, I can be a cat in love with an elephant. I tried to reassure her, but soon after she referenced me, the class dissolved into fits of giggles. I was caught off-guard, and my face grew hot, and for a few moments i foundered, struggling to compose myself. I was frustrated that I couldn't control my physical reaction to the situation, which was in honesty no big deal to me at all.
I was thinking about this later, and wondering why it's such a big deal to me if i have an open physical reaction that displays my insecurity. After reflecting, i decided that i think for me the essential issue is a general lack of trust. If people see my shortcomings, i don't trust that they will act upon them in a way that will not hurt me. I want people to think i am strong, composed and prepared for anything; but why shouldn't they see that I struggle? Why shouldn't they be able to relate to my life because, like theirs, it is not easy, and like them, I work at it.
I'm resolving to blush away unabashed from here on out. I'm happy to bare my insecurities, and let those who see do with them what they will. Because I'm not wonderful - I'm human, and everyone should know that.
After long days of focusing on accents that are still foreign to me, I am tired. Some days are better than others, but I am still certainly getting used to being around different customs, different food, different languages, and different weather. It has brought out exhaustion in me, but it has also brought out an innovative spirit! I'm excited to tell you that I've begun baking :) The first time i baked, i was so happy. My little room felt like home as it filled with the smell of baking bread. The oven is the tricky part for me - it's very old, it has to be plugged in on the floor in my room, not in my kitchen, and it's in Celsius instead of fahrenheit so i have to do a lot of converting, and both times i've singed the goods. I'll get the hang of it, but i guess until then i'll just shoot low on the temp and hope for the best! haha.
Also, the other night i had a craving for hot chocolate. It's not a very Indian thing to drink, so I don't have any instant powder or anything to make it. I decided to try heating my cream for chai and then melting a square of my toblerone dark chocolate from the Heathrow airport into it. I measured it with my chai cup, and those were my only two ingredients, but it turned out rich, creamy, and wonderful.
How sweet it is when taking a chance pays off.
You know, I think that's kind of the theme of my time here so far. Every time I try a Hindi word or sentence, I take a chance. Every time I try to find something to buy, I take a chance. Every time I teach English or start a conversation with an acquaintance or bake or suggest or walk out my door here, I take a chance.
I was sitting with two of my English students at Chat over Coffee this week, and one of them told me she loves all religions, but has never been to a church. I asked casually and invitingly, "Well, would you like to come to one?" She nodded enthusiastically, and I turned to the other girl sitting with us and invited her as well. Both said they were free and would like to come, and I went on to invite them to our care group tonight. Both said they would try to make it - now, it IS characteristically Indian to say you'll be somewhere and simply not show up (see: electrician/fan fixer) but I am choosing to be optimistic on this one. How amazing. I am hoping with all my heart to see them sit under the words of the Father, which we are promised will not return void. If one of them hears the Truth and listens, every chance I have taken since my arrival will be justified.
Here's to sweetbread, the Good News, successful shopping, hot chocolate, and the days it pays off.
Love from Delhi,
Julie: fully human
I am woman, baking and photographing and bringing friends to care group.
Today, sitting here under this fan that sounds like endless nails on a circular chalkboard (the electrician has been on his way to fix it for three days), I feel like I have so many different things to say. Forgive me if this post seems disjointed, but there are many good things to talk about.
One is English. At three days a week now, I have more time in between lessons to prepare and grade, so I feel like I can do a better job of teaching my students. I also love implementing things I learned the first month around to help maximize my teaching time and power. I'm more comfortable integrating the Good News and my opinions, beliefs, and stories as well, which helps the students know me better and serves the true purpose of having and English course. I'm enjoying the growth I'm experiencing there.
Now, here's a funny thing. Throughout my life, I have had trouble with blushing. I blush at times when I am not really embarrassed, and I don't know I'm blushing until someone points it out to me. Then I know everyone thinks i'm truly uncomfortable and THEN i BECOME embarrassed, and it's sort of a problem until I can forget it and move on. I've noticed during English class that when my insecurities surface, I become minutely flushed. I believe at those moments that i'm blushing, though i have no way of knowing. Last week, I was having my students tell creative stories, and my student Babita was telling a story about an elephant who was in love with a cat. I asked her what the name of the cat was, and she thought long and hard, searching her inventory of names, and finally landed on "Julie", forgetting that it was my name she was saying. I had no problem with this. Use my name in your story if you like, I can be a cat in love with an elephant. I tried to reassure her, but soon after she referenced me, the class dissolved into fits of giggles. I was caught off-guard, and my face grew hot, and for a few moments i foundered, struggling to compose myself. I was frustrated that I couldn't control my physical reaction to the situation, which was in honesty no big deal to me at all.
I was thinking about this later, and wondering why it's such a big deal to me if i have an open physical reaction that displays my insecurity. After reflecting, i decided that i think for me the essential issue is a general lack of trust. If people see my shortcomings, i don't trust that they will act upon them in a way that will not hurt me. I want people to think i am strong, composed and prepared for anything; but why shouldn't they see that I struggle? Why shouldn't they be able to relate to my life because, like theirs, it is not easy, and like them, I work at it.
I'm resolving to blush away unabashed from here on out. I'm happy to bare my insecurities, and let those who see do with them what they will. Because I'm not wonderful - I'm human, and everyone should know that.
After long days of focusing on accents that are still foreign to me, I am tired. Some days are better than others, but I am still certainly getting used to being around different customs, different food, different languages, and different weather. It has brought out exhaustion in me, but it has also brought out an innovative spirit! I'm excited to tell you that I've begun baking :) The first time i baked, i was so happy. My little room felt like home as it filled with the smell of baking bread. The oven is the tricky part for me - it's very old, it has to be plugged in on the floor in my room, not in my kitchen, and it's in Celsius instead of fahrenheit so i have to do a lot of converting, and both times i've singed the goods. I'll get the hang of it, but i guess until then i'll just shoot low on the temp and hope for the best! haha.
Also, the other night i had a craving for hot chocolate. It's not a very Indian thing to drink, so I don't have any instant powder or anything to make it. I decided to try heating my cream for chai and then melting a square of my toblerone dark chocolate from the Heathrow airport into it. I measured it with my chai cup, and those were my only two ingredients, but it turned out rich, creamy, and wonderful.
How sweet it is when taking a chance pays off.
You know, I think that's kind of the theme of my time here so far. Every time I try a Hindi word or sentence, I take a chance. Every time I try to find something to buy, I take a chance. Every time I teach English or start a conversation with an acquaintance or bake or suggest or walk out my door here, I take a chance.
I was sitting with two of my English students at Chat over Coffee this week, and one of them told me she loves all religions, but has never been to a church. I asked casually and invitingly, "Well, would you like to come to one?" She nodded enthusiastically, and I turned to the other girl sitting with us and invited her as well. Both said they were free and would like to come, and I went on to invite them to our care group tonight. Both said they would try to make it - now, it IS characteristically Indian to say you'll be somewhere and simply not show up (see: electrician/fan fixer) but I am choosing to be optimistic on this one. How amazing. I am hoping with all my heart to see them sit under the words of the Father, which we are promised will not return void. If one of them hears the Truth and listens, every chance I have taken since my arrival will be justified.
Here's to sweetbread, the Good News, successful shopping, hot chocolate, and the days it pays off.
Love from Delhi,
Julie: fully human
That's awesome, Julie - I hope they come, too. Glad you're feeling better!
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