i'm found, but what's more, i'm loved.

so obviously broken

so obviously torn

so obvious you're finding me

pathetically forlorn

longing to be different

longing to be wild

longing to have feelings that

support my fragile smile

testing murky waters

testing my new choice

testing what i've always dreamed of,

trying out my voice.

finding me now on my feet

finding i can run

finding that it's beautiful

when i can come undone....

oh, found! my debt is paid for!

found! i'm not alone!

found! i can be all i'd hoped--

so much more than i'd ever known.

Together

originally uploaded by yeeship.

in what we wear 

and how we care

we're different but, somehow, the same.

and i wont sign 

another line

until i figure out my name.

cold and beautiful

originally uploaded by Corica.

to be beautiful and cold is what we are told to strive for. we should be attractive, aloof, advanced. we always wish we were thinner, stronger, more coordinated, more stylish, something to look at and marvel over.

but people don't need another halfway-inspirational role model.

love is what they need.

love that shares some sugar. generous, compassionate, listening love. the love next door. no more causes. no more masses. no more numbers. let's warm things up...

let's just focus on love.

stupid girl

i feel just like a stupid girl, do i read like an open book

when there's things that i don't think of, and details i overlook?

today, i'm tired.

originally uploaded by {machel spence}.

today i am tired, today i don't know

just how much further or longer i'll go. 

i've fought a few battles, i've struggled and cried,

now i'm done and i don't wanna put on a show.

today i tried hard, and today i was good

so why don't i feel satisfied like i should?

i've always hoped i'd be the one who did right - 

but it's not feeling right like i thought that it would!

today i held tears in and didn't complain;

did my very best to disguise any pain.

you wouldn't have known it to see me today

that i'm worn out, exhausted, beat down, hurt, and strained. 

of course it's not that bad, protest as i may

i've no crisis to speak of, no, nothing to say.

but i'm human, allowed a small mood swing or two-

i'm feeling some loss, and i'm tired today.

lived like i should, loved like i shouldn't.

originally uploaded by нasн.

do you look up to wonder

do you die not To know?

do You want to keep on sitting there

just so that she won't go?

sometimes we need to be siLent

and reflect on the things that went wrong

but there comes a time to get up and start walking

and to force a grim smilE and a song.

it's going to huRt to let it go

and no, pining was never a crime

but to sit and stare at a bleeding love 

is the most awful waste of time.

not broken

originally uploaded by TheoOnFlickr.

sweet irony, you've got me now

i've learned to find my strength somehow.

on bolstered wings i start to soar,

my heart's not broken anymore.

my heart was my excuse awhile

when i didn't want to smile. 

but loneliness won't be my crutch

it doesn't hurt me now that much. 

i'm not afraid to wait alone

i'm free, i'm strong - i've always known.

i may not know what im wating for...

but my heart's not broken anymore.

thank you for your concern

actually, i slept like a baby.

bending in the wind

originally uploaded by [Adam_Baker].

you've been through the fire, and you're sorry that you've sinned

but your trying troubles leave you bending in the wind.

your soul is sadly broken and it sings a glum refrain

it's like a long, sad whistle of a wistful, lonely train. 

hard times have left you broken and there's no way to believe

that it will soon be over, that you'll get to stop and grieve.

your trials are on repeat, and your cry is like a song. 

it's like a skipping disc that keeps reminding you you're wrong.

i don't know the answer to your tragic hateful sorrow

and i can't promise that the sun will shine for you tomorrow. 

i don't know if there's people who'll be there beside your bed.

i don't know if you're faking it, if it's all in your head. 

but i see you bending and it breaks my heart to know you hurt:

to see the worn look in your eyes and tearstains on your shirt. 

so though i do not know you, for some reason, i don't know why,

i care for you. i always have, and will until i die.

youngness

originally uploaded by Tim McDonald.

something about age makes us stop trusting life. 

nothing's as simple, nothing as sound

as when i was young and loved all that i saw.

its more scary to fall from more high off the ground.

i thought i'd be happy forever and ever,

but life's complicated now, messy, and sad

i fought for my innocence, fought life and lost.

i didn't keep smiling, and i wish that i had.

but some things remind me of who i once was:

cookies and flowers, sunshine and snowfall. 

i like to think back to the happy i knew

i don't wanna forget that, don't want to at all.

HOPE

originally uploaded by Judd Patterson.

i used to love fireflies.

oh man, how i used to love to watch them.

and sunrises.

i used to wake up early just to watch the sun come up over the trees.

i used to make time, i used to seek out encounters with the fascinatingly ordinary phenomena of the earth.

sometimes i remember my youthful delight and i just wish i were that girl again. sometimes, the fascination comes back, and i just sit back, tilt my head, and take it all in. i close my eyes and listen to the night animals. i breathe slowly, i let my mouth fall slightly open as i gaze at the clouded night sky, waiting for lightning to strike. and in the moment that it does, and when the fireflies light up the darkness with their glittering dance, and when the sharp top crest of the circular sun breaks out above the horizon, i know there is so much more than me that matters.

 i feel a depth within myself that i didn't know existed. 

i find peace and meaning that for a brief second give me hope.

hope for my future as a worthy individual.

hope for my dreams to become something more.

hope for my love to expand beyond my imagination.

the fireflies give me hope.

baby's breath

baby's breath, originally uploaded by sing.sweet.

i sit on my roof to watch lightning

i love to take walks in the rain

but in tempest of heart i don't revel, 

i just can't handle the pain.

the pain that means i have just failed you

the anguish that brings on the storm

the clouds with no lining surround me

the wind strips me, i'm lost and forlorn.

i didn't enlighten your life, love,

so i won't keep prolonging your death.

though i try to be tough on the outside,

i'm fragile as a baby's breath.

someone's approaching to come ease your pain.

originally uploaded by Str8heated(Mark)

the great pain in your eyes is as sharp as a dagger

the hurt that you've seen is apparent to me

as i walk by in pride and i step with a swagger

in my pious glory that's for all to see.

but ought you believe that a strong god is good

when nothing he does seems to benefit you?

you've found nothing to prove to your wits that you should

nothing to show if that promise is true.

He has said He's gracious, that he feels every blow

that he loves each man, woman, and child the same.

but why SHOULD you believe Him, and how would you know,

if no one will address your great pain in his name?

you see, it's not His fault you don't feel His mercy

it's not up to Him to provide you with care

im not delivering! i'm His hands, i'm His feet-

He's always been with you. i'm the one who's not there.

i'm sorry, remorseful, endlessly ashamed

for the wretched and miserable job that i've done

spreading His comfort, spreading His name.

god knows you need it - you're His, you're the ONE--

the one that He treasures, the one that He loves,

the one that He fashioned within and without.

He's the care and the calm that you've been dreaming of

and your vindication is what He's about.

to be alone.

originally uploaded by markfieldingpic.

isn't it eery - sitting alone 

where seats of men usually inhabit the leather?

i'm rather pensive, but i am prone

to strands of thought tied effortlessly together.

is it threatening to you, or is it relieving

to have a whole public place all to yourself?

are you searching around? are you even breathing?

do you feel free and strong, do you bask in the stealth?

do you really dance when nobody is looking

or just say you do 'cause its such a nice phrase?

are you held by opinion, can you not let your heart sing,

even when no one will get in your way?

you see, lonely friend, there's no answer or rhyme

about whether it's right to be sole or surrounded

the question is, though, what you do with your time.

do you do what you want, or is your judgment clouded?

life's messy!

originally uploaded by Daygo D..

we often trip and slip and fall

as we seek to uncover our way.

you can't finish life with your poise still intact

so stop working, make some time to play!

the truth is, life is messy

and you can't avoid the pain

but the happiest people that i've ever seen

were dancing in the rain.

have you ever felt like giving up?

have you ever tried to quit?

did you find out it set you back quite a bit more,

that it just didnt help you a bit?

i know its hard to know everyone knows

they can see it 'cause it's pretty plain.

the times that you've stumbled, the times that you've fallen

have left you with quite a few stains.

but smile, play, go crazy.

laugh it off when you fall down.

keep working toward your own goals and your dreams

see, the mud has turned EVERYONE brown!

life in a dream

originally uploaded by numetalkrox.

i can never stop dreaming.

i know this because 

i tried once.

i almost forgot who i was. 

my dreams are what make me -

i'll never forget

how i pictured myself,

and i'm not it yet. 

i hold tightly to dreaming

it takes me away

from the people and places

where i'm s'posta stay.

so i will keep dreaming

i'll turn upside down

your ideas, expectations,

your rage and your frown.

come close to me, dreamer,

come hear what i say - 

i'd take my dreams

over real life any day.

no ordinary girl

i have a couple of throwbacks that i use from time to time in here.

this is one i particularly liked that i wrote probably about two years ago.

originally uploaded by Tim Stone.

i want to be insightful

i want to shake the world

i want it to be obvious

im not a normal girl

i want to stand out

i want to be found

i want to be known

but i sing here alone

i sing to my maker

a plea for his love

though he never has left me

and im confident of

his perfection in plan,

his perfection in care

and to him i'm indebted

which leads me to share that

i want to be insightful

i want to shake the world

you can hurt me but you can't beat me.

i'm no ordinary girl.

if love were enough

"she wanted you to know

that if love were enough...

that, if love were enough,

that she'd still be here with you."

--grey's anatomy

the water's gone, but we still try to swim along as usual. 

our lives have been drained, but we pretend not to notice.

if only denial weren't a part of our existence. 

if only we could admit that we're not fine. that everything is changing, and that we just can't seem to find the proper emotion to express about it.

i may look yellow and perky like always, but i feel out of place, and i just don't know what to do.

if love were enough...

if only love were enough.

to those who follow

so, you're going along with it, are you?

you're letting someone else tell you how it's going to be?

i've never been a very good follower; never in dancing, never in life. i never took myself for a mechanical adherent - i look to no one, but there you are, telling me what to do. i love to do my own thing, i always make my own waves. 

maybe i live to lead, but im just dying to be led.

maybe i want - i need - someone to show me, maybe it's finally easy just placing my feet in the footsteps that are made for me instead of continually making my own. maybe you're comfortable. maybe there is nothing wrong with...

maybe i like following!

no, maybe i feel i must find how to follow, maybe i feel better learning how, but i am not convinced i like it in the slightest.

the truth is, it's just too easy. 

who am i if i'm defined by someone else?

well, no one i'd want to meet.

after all, we all are children of our surroundings.

did you know you're being influenced? 

did you know your setting shapes you?

you're a product of social heaviness, 

you're what your life has made you.

you represent a myriad, 

a million different things

though you may have thought you built yourself, 

you're attached to proverbial strings.

what you show on the outside is what you've let in,

 and i do recommend your checking

and you may want to consider, just while you're at it, 

what images you are reflecting.

you see, that identity you thought you owned, 

you're probably leasing or lending.

who are you living for? what is your goal?

 what messages are you sending?

 everyone watches you through their own eyes,

 everyone has their own take,

but they'll all know someone exactly like you. 

you're different? oh, give me a break!

you can't get away from this powerful force,

 you can't destroy vicious cycles.

you can't beat the system, you can't stand alone.

 you must understand, that's maniacal!

you've let yourself fall in a terrible trap. 

you've conformed to the norm without knowing it.

of course you're attractive, of course you're unique! 

the problem is that you're not showing it!

so listen, stop glancing around you to see 

who will care, and who thinks what is true.

crank it up, turn the lights on, pull out all the stops! 

then at last, you'll be actually you.

the harmonious becomes dissonant

i once heard life's inner workings related to music.

i just love the idea of evil being dissonance... 

the idea that all was harmonious until that cacophanous bite into the forbidden fruit.

then all beautiful notes were struck at once, no longer beautiful when played as they were not intended. and now, instead of sighing and smiling with our eyes closed, we cringe at the sound.

Forget Me Not

originally uploaded by appelk {busy}.

i hurt you, i broke you, i tore you apart

and oh, this turned out worse than i ever thought

please, i'm sorry; please forgive...

forgive. forget me not.

forget me not, forget me never!

i want to always live in your heart.

maybe that's selfish, maybe it's worse...

no! forget me not!

it's harder for me that i'd even imagined.

harder because of the wound that i've wrought

upon the one person that i really cared for -

precious, forget me not.

i long to be needed, i long to be sought

i hope to be moving on as i ought...

i will be wanted, i will replace you

but please, forget me not.

holding your hand... a song i wrote long ago

i'm walkin along, watching your eyes

just holdin' your hand cuz you're holdin mine

we're walkin along and i know we'll be fine

cuz i'm holding your hand and you're holdin mine

 

i'll follow your lead, i'll be by your side

i will hold your hand if you will hold mine

 

i'll follow you love

just lead me, just lead me

be by my side but show me where to go

i will be yours love

just hold me, just hold me

be all around me and never let me go.

 

we're wastin our day, we've got nothing but time

just holding your hand cuz you're holding mine

just put us together and watch how we shine

and im holding your hand cuz youre holdin mine

 

i'll hold onto your hand, just keep hold of mine

and i will hold your hand... if you will hold mine.

nothin' to prove

loving to live like i've nothing to lose

i'm finding a listener, finding a friend.

i don't have to weigh options, don't have to choose

just doing what i know feels right in the end.

starting to find i have nothing to prove -

you'll always be with me, i can't purge your love.

you're standing beside me, i know you won't move

this constance is all that i've been dreaming of.

learning i really have no one to blame -

my mistakes are my own, but you really don't care!

and you like me, though we're not always the same,

i'm never alone, babe. i know that you're there.

living like life hasn't dealt me its hand,

now i feel young again, now i feel free.

my world has its joy back, it's no longer bland!

i'll keep loving you if you'll keep loving me.

light and love

originally uploaded by ~aspidistra~.

desiring never to be left alone
we stand next to those whose ideals we can trust
seeking uniqueness from all of the world
but "them" ends up looking exactly like us

we're children of light, children of love -
born of a budding brand new revolution.
but are we a part of a crowd that won't last,
who'll flee at the first sign of slight persecution?

child of light, do you run from the darkness?
child of love, do you battle with hate?
or have you surrounded yourself with just comfort
have you forgotten you can't fight your fate?

you WERE meant for more, but it's never easy,
joining the brotherhood of the elect.
then you are loving, then you are light
when you have learned to trust and respect.

so daughter of light, shine out like the starlight
sweet son of love, treat the world as your brother.
and we will all learn from your brilliant example
that we can't be alone, that we need one another.

but don't think of a following, don't call for a crowd.
you may feel that you're being love all alone
but when you feel lonesome, know i'm next to you
know you're supported, and know that you're known.
for i know you deserve it and i know that you need it:
even the best can't be great on their own.