focus

life is so confusing if you watch it out of focus

the drums of death entered our sleep and so abruptly woke us.

we didn't know the time had come but something greater found it

completely necessary to give us no way around it.

so out of focus, not pretending otherwise to see me

needing a tip to find the truth from some great cosmic genie.

tumbling, swirling up (maybe down?) 

through space and time looking for meaning

stuck in your house wond'ring who, wond'ring how, 

your life is a mess and you're cleaning.

forever you'll clean and forever you're stuck 

because this mess is just like the dishes - 

the more that you serve, the more mess there is. 

mess regards none of your fervent wishes.

confusing but beautiful, hard - is it worth it,

this life that leaves many so broken?

at least you're on track now, the fairy tale's gone,

for now you know - now you've awoken.

a love that bleeds

sometimes i make the worst decisions ever. 

the easy is over, the happiness ends,

and your sentences end with a sigh.

drink coffee and eat, and be happy my friends,

for tomorrow our hearts may die.

thanks meets reminiscence.

body of Julie: "excuse me, but why are we lying down? it's definitely not time to sleep yet, and i am not done bein' awake and alive!!"

mind of Julie: "come on - you frustrate me when you can't just take a nap!! i see the big picture, and i know you'll be working through the night - i know what you need, and i just wish, for your sake, that you'd listen."

body of Christ: "what?? this timing is wacked out. Are you kidding me? i'm not going to be doing that now, thank you. maybe later, when i'm ready. you have definitely got this one wrong."

mind of Christ: "how i wish you could see what i see. i know what you need, and i only want what's wonderful for you. if you could only listen... how much better off you'd be."

don't worry, i realize that's cheezy, but it's exactly what i was thinking as i tried to nap for about an hour and a half. i just gave up. [[how much better He knows us that we even know ourselves.]]

...

i have loved this thanksgiving!

the slight snow was beautiful and charming, and the company was grand. i got to cook, and i got to eat, and i got to watch the Cowboys win. 

i have not been moping at all, though i have been missing. 

of course i wish i could be with my amazing mom and her whole loud, ridiculous Itailan and Swedish side of the family, especially after my grandmother's recent passing.

and i wish i could be with my dad, for all his quirks and tendencies that completely overwhelm me, and with HIS grandmother, who is 99 years old today.

i wish i could be with Josh and his mother Peggy, because they make me smile so much.

i wish i could be with Jena, and Jenny, because they have proved themselves beyond fair weather - they are true friends in the face of triumph or gloom.

i wish i could be in Texas, where it is not currently raining and thirtyish degrees. 

i wish i could be with you!

but how thankful i am to be where i have been placed. how thankful i am to work with what i have been given, and how wonderful it is to be thought of and secure in who i truly am. 

it is a good thanksgiving, and though i may spend some of it alone, i need not be lonely, for i have been loved.

what is love: ...baby don't hurt me.

seriously, what's love?

we keep asking. this generation keeps trying to define it. we're all so into it, all about it.

one pop artist took a stab at it:

"i mean she even cooks me pancakes
and alka seltzer when my tummy aches
if that ain't love then i don't know what love is

...

i love the way she calls my phone
she even got her very own ringtone
if that ain't love then i don't know what love is"

...seriously??

is this what we've got? personalized ringtones and pancakes in the shape of hearts?

how on earth have we reduced love to this? And... honestly; can we not even lyricize with tact and skill to express how our generation is loving?

has technology done this to us? is it instant gratification? our parents, maybe?

whatever has numbed us to love, it's left us confused, that's for sure. 

well, i'm confused.

but i feel like we suck at this. let's figure out how to love before we devote ourselves to it. what a great idea, to love... but what does it mean to you? do you aspire to love all? some? ...one? 

or maybe you don't realize it, but you only truly love yourself.

maybe if the person you envision your life with does lots of things to make you happy, you really only want to love... [[you.]]

she makes me comfortable and happy, and all i gotta do is not break up with her.

if that ain't love, then i don't know what love is.

seriously?

breaking point

originally uploaded by lettydavis.

so you've found your solace, have you?
so you've stopped to take a break?
what about the past that colors
every single new mistake?
behind you are your problems,
daunting imminence ahaid,
you told us you'd be better,
but that's only what you said.
it's hurtful, moving onward,
but it's therapeutic too
there is so much that awaits you
though the memories are through.
so you'll make it through this crossroads,
leave past problems at the door
pick up your head, child, love the change -
new life is worth living for.

change

are you safe, and strictly structured? does your symmetry astound?

does the order leave you yearning to say anything profound?

are you sucked into the falsehood that you'll run into the ground

if every moment isn't focused, if you stop to glance around -- 

and to see the precious rainbows and the colors that they cast?

are you missing all life's joys 'cause you're afraid of coming last?

and you know that you're not Living, 

you know somehow that there's more

than this petty recognition you've been hereto dying for.

and where is your path leading? to the ceiling? to the floor?

you've been searching up and down too long. 

let your gaze find the door

that will lead you to your freedom, that will lead you to your pride,

that will lead you to no longer feel so unbearably dead inside.

walk through this door of mercy, embrace this gate of grace,

and don't be too alarmed to find your tears upon your face.

don't think it won't be happy - your ills gone without a trace

but in letting love wash over you, you must let it find a place

to grow and root and change you, to make you more a man.

though you've never noticed it, it's always been the plan

to have you grow in gratitude, to watch you learn the way

to own up to what you do in life, and be careful what you say.

and while you may not ever change in all forever and a day,

you're loved enough to be believed in.

though you think you can't... you may.

semantics

oh, you're not too scared, you're just not good enough

so you're not constructing an effort.

and you can't even see how you limit yourself

as you tug at the hood on your sweatshirt.

no, you're not addicted, you just like the taste...

you repeatedly run to your downfall. 

you can't see past your sheer need and can't figure why

as you punch your fist straight through the drywall.

because, it's frustrating, to not know yourself.

it's hard not to understand why

we can't let others see the hurt in our face,

or admit to ourselves that we sigh.

so, you don't have a problem, it's just problematic

that you can't decipher your world. 

you're stuck in a whirlwind of thoughts and disasters

your mind feels spent, gnarled and knurled.

my heart goes out, dear, you're confused and upset,

and your heart cannot take much more beating.

don't lose hope, don't lose faith, don't lose hold of my hand.

for love is not lost, though it's fleeting.

the sweet defeat.

When defeat is inevitable, it is wisest to yield.

Quintilian

when love is forsaken, when rivalry sweet

has forgotten to warn you, knocks you off your feet,

nothing is ordered, it's not nice and neat,

it's like when your hot air and fantasy meet.

there's no need to get back up - please rest now! you're beat!

come on, why can't you just admit your defeat?

stand for you

photo by jonathan moultroup

there's a shocking incapacity

to see forest for the trees - 

what i mean is that there's needy ones,

we must have faith for these.

the world is full of bitter men,

the world is full of hate.

the world is full of selfishness - 

and soon may be too late

to help save love from dying out,

to salvage goodly truth.

we have to teach the next small ones 

to hold on to their youth,

and hold onto their innocence

and cling to their blind trust.

if we might be more childlike... 

no -

not that we might. we must.

dark and beautiful

[mine]
scary and sad, alive but mundane,

this life is dark but beautiful.

as it draws you in to the fullness of truth,

give in to the wooing, feel the calm lull.

'cause you can't escape and you can't slip through

the cracks of a system that wants us to cry.

...do you think we'll accept or resent the fact that

we'll be haunted by life 'til the day that we die?

inescapable and powerful, 

the dominance that grips our souls.

it holds them in strangled embrace,

until we learn to accept our role:

we're pawns throughout the universe,

scattered, our feelings rendered null.

the planets sing the every verse

of a song so sad; gorgeously dull.

blunted and foiled at every turn,

there's a smile in this mystery

that keeps us searching all our days - 

that makes us laugh, that lets us see.

and this is love.

[mine]

now, simple dreamer, what is love?

i see you have no clue. 

but your understated ignorance is drawing me to you.

you throw up your hands and wink and smile,

acknowledge you don't know,

but you live to like it, live to learn, and choose not to stay, but go. 

sweet action in the place of words,

eye glint and impish grin,

at your command, my heart will leap when your thumb holds my chin.

and is love over, is love gone,

or can love find a friend?

yes, your true love has forgotten romance and will never, ever end.

wreck of the day

[mine]

you're searching but have found no satisfaction,

you're grasping but your prize slips through your hands.

you string together precious golden mem'ries

and treasure every single gilded strand.

the desperation in your voice is blatant, 

and in your actions your despair shows through.

but will you let this battle be your downfall,

when there's so much that is unharmed left in you?

you're like a drunkard, wasting priceless moments

stumbling around, and sleeping though he wakes.

and just as senseless dogs return to vomit,

a fool are you, reliving your mistakes.

wake up and smell the coffee, precious cripple.

find feet again, and stand to go your way!

it's difficult, frustrating, and unsettling - 

but you will live to love another day.

resignation

[mine]

oh, sweet resignation, how familiar we are.

i've been hovering around you, see, i haven't wandered far. 

i'm not hiding, i'm invisible - beauty for none to see

i'm not anybody's someone, though i'm who i want to be. 

there is sting in bitterness so sweet, and pain in heart so full

always a drawback with a gain, always a backward pull.

the tears are never ended, made of anguish, fear, or joy,

made of reminiscence of a laughing, loving boy. 

and reconciliation, what a far-off dream you are.

oh reconciliation, sheer sweet hope and morning star,

but mournful resignation, how familiar we've become -  

you who leave me sad and visionless, and strike me mutely dumb.

there is a love.

there is a love that is always, forever. there is a love that proves true.

there is a love that keeps ever together, a love that is lavished on you.

there is a love that proves right is the winner: that fairy tale you're dreaming of.

there is a love that erases the sinner and in her place places a dove.

there is a love that demands unity; there is a love that forgives.

there is a love that took you to the tree... a crucified love that now lives.

by temporary_diversion

"he's never enough, and still he's more than i can take."

[mine]

what a mess i've made of this.

i'm sorry that i lost it. 

but i'm just done with life like that, 

and honestly exhausted.

your tears are falling all away,

your heart is failing faster.

oh, what a mess i've made of love.

what a redolant disaster.

dream of more

ojosdiele

your love hit me like sweet rain, 

all the world around me fell. 

should the others seek this joy?

for it's a blissful prison cell.

the caress that's strong and soft,

smooth as rust upon my skin

won't let me dwell on repercussions,

should i fully let you in.

to take the easy way is good

for those who won't expand their dreams

as they imprudently assume

that life is ever as it seems.

they don't want the love i found - 

the love that made my eyes to see.

because they only dream of sleep,

they'll sleep for all eternity.

here&now

oh, and she has waited..., originally uploaded by sing.sweet.

[mine]

the wait can overcome you
as the longing only grows,
but the joy of it will flood you
when your spirit finally knows.

wait for joy, now search for peace
while waiting is your lot -
look forward to the wedding feast,
but the present's all you've got.

boundaries.

[mine]

meant to keep out or stay ever inside,

boundaries create the apart. 

the barbed wire claws at fair liberty's side,

stabbing it through as a dart.

confusion and comfort, evade or embrace

necessary, but seemingly needless,

a person could find herself stark-raving-mad,

becoming quite utterly heedless.

chasing desire and throwing it out;

safe in the same space as yearning.

poking long hungry fingers through cold metal bars

that keep the soul prisoned, but learning.

hope is

[mine]

[[and i apologize for my obscene overuse of the word 'free']]

hope is shining, gleaming, brightly

hope is coming fast and free,

hope is streaming like the sun,

it's here for all the world to see.

hope is full and making converts

to the way of righteousness

the cosmic love of optimism-

easing guilt, erasing stress.

hope is like a noonday morning.

hope is like the scorching rain.

elusive; absurdly, it's bright but it's lovely

hope is the ultimate, paramount gain.

finally

it's great to be a part of something bigger than myself.

i'm feeling small

but not at all 

like i'm stuck on a shelf.

its so rewarding just to be the one who celebrates

to know that love

is the presence of

a triumph over hate.

it's interesting to finally know that what i want is right.

to finally see

that i can be

the one whose dreams take flight.

my story

must i always be the person that i think i have become?

must i always live the story pasts provide?

no, i'm changing and creating ever, always, as i live

leading lady in my story- i decide.

my story is as big as i imagine it to be,

my story is what i have made of life.

as light flickers through a window, warming what it deigns to touch,

moving as the sun moves through the day,

my life could be a sunbeam, moving on as life demands,

but blessing those i contact on my way.

my story is the way i act when all is going wrong,

my story is whoever i have touched.

and so, i know i choose how i react and who i am,

i know i am the author of my own. 

i hope i choose to make this life more meaningful than fun.

so that, when i am older, i have grown.

your tears never fall

you may say you've let your guard down,

that you're not perfect at all - 

but your phrases never falter,

and your tears, they never fall.

you can make it as you feel it,

if you must, slow to a crawl.

'cuz there's no comfort for no weakness

or for tears that never fall. 

yes, some cry for attention

and so humankind will see

that they're miserable and so forlorn

(over nothing, if you ask me),

and you don't want to be like that 

so you stand tall, stiff, and free.

but you're not free at all if you

can't let yourself just be.

so be it as you feel it, child,

take down the wretched wall

that keeps the world of others out,

my love, don't you recall

the days when you were cared for

and accepted, overall?

but now you've lost your faith in us,

and your tears never fall.