"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

i love...

rain! even on the cold days. it makes me want to lift my face and just smile. i don't care that i look stupid. or that i'm wet :)

oreos. seriously, they make every dessert better [not to mention any day!]

babies. yep, Erin's about to be a big sissy. =]

Drawing. sure, i get super frustrated drawing the same plant like eight times, but it's so wonderful to have a break to do nothing, think about nothing. just to be a person who draws. is drawing. and that is all. so freeing, so releasing.

pictures! looking at them, taking them, putting them up, selling them, giving them as gifts. don't care. just love em.

Texas, and every tie i have to it. cowboys, josh, jenny, calling my mom.

memories. the good, the bad, and the ugly.

bed. insanely huge, warm, and soft. pillows and blankets: you can't go wrong.

can i restate rain?? what a wonderful phenomenon we've been blessed with. freeing beauty falling from the sky, reminding us our days are not about us.

love love love.

[i'm determined to figure it out.]

Hail

hail. hail on top of a three hour drawing of a plant that looks like it probably grew on saturn, a frustratingly quiet-sitting-on-the-end dinner and an audition for a part that i'm not going to get, [but i won't know that for two weeks.] hail melted by salt which mixed and soaked into the pants which aren't mine that i borrowed to try to look decent for a half hour and now have to wash. [frick. laundry makes my back hurt.] hail that fell on my hair and my face, making them flat and red, respectively, for my videotaped audition.

complaining? no way! not me. not when Haiti is feeling the daily aftershocks of a massive earthquake. not when children have been orphaned, not when people are dying from malnutrition and AIDS. I, the privileged, thin, white American university student with a GPA above 3.5, am not whining about my petty issues of the heart. or about hail. damn hail.

oh, come on, i'm allowed an off-day, aren't i?

well, i did have a good time drawing for about the first hour and a half, and i did love singing again - i haven't been doing too much of it. preparing for this audition got me singing in the shower and on the sidewalks. i like that. and i've been putting off laundry for far too long. maybe i'll just put on a pot of coffee and get started on it; that way i can smell the delicious scent of my detergent - one of the few smells i can recognize.

is it really true? is life 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it?

well, i'm gonna try it out.

and by the way, i apologize. i shouldn't presume to know how you're feeling, and i'm deeply sorry.

here goes life with a smile... i'm off to go rock climbing!

i dwell on love. i always come back to it. love is everything. love wins. what the heck IS love? i don't know. [but i know what it feels like.]

"when you say you love me, the world grows still - so still inside and

when you say you love me, in that moment, i know why i'm alive." ~Josh Groban

He loves me, and for that love i live.

no, nothing else matters,

no, not how i feel

for feelings are fickle

but love,

love is real.

"how cliche!" you scoff at me

"hypocrite," you groan.

what does this girl know of love?

and you're right. i am. i don't.

but i know that it's been given me

in unabated measure.

sweet gracious gift from those who've cared;

i clutch my undeserved treasure.

i don't doubt it for a second,

though i don't know from whence it came,

for i'm engulfed by warm contentment

every time you say my name.

former they loved you, and former they knew.

you imagine upon them a stupor, a stare.

former you flourished because they saw you.

but now, naturally, they just no longer care.

don't miss it...

As i woke up this morning after a relatively sleepless weekend to a dreary sunday covered in muddy snow, the last thing i wanted to do was get out of my very warm, very large bed.

And then it started to rain.

If people weren't counting on me to be at church, i bet you ten bucks i wouldn't have gone. BUT people do count on me to be at church come sunday school hour, so i climbed out of bed and began to get myself ready. The whole time i was remembering how the same time one week ago i was thoroughly enchanted. i jotted down my experience during last week's painful discourse - sometimes i'm glad i sit alone come sermon-time. this is what i wrote:

when i walked out of my room this morning, i saw a beauty out the window that quite literally stopped me in my tracks. When i started to breathe normally again, i found my hand resting on my chest. The entire world was encrusted in crystal and serenaded by the early morning sun. a thick, pure white mist had covered the earth while it slept, and each ice-drenched twig was kissed by tiny violently vibrant red berries. Whereas normally i walk with purpose and watch my steps, this morning i slowed, head up, stopping to see translucent ice that almost reached out to touch me, admiring the cold, freezing fingers of icicles, larger than i had ever seen before. When i finally got to my car, i had to pause. my black honda civic was covered in precious and unique snowflakes of all different sizes. I took it all in, in total awe. I scrutinized the beauty of each snowflake until my feet reminded me just how cold it was by kindly going numb in the adorable peep-toe heels i was wearing while standing in the 8 inches of snow Ohio had received. (i'm such an incurable Texan, i swear we never learn -- mourning the loss of the cowboys today by the way...) I stepped inside Max, my little car, and continued to examine the snowflakes from the inside of my window as i waited for my car to heat up. i searched for two identical flakes, challenging the notion of their total uniqueness... i found an asterisk, a perfectly symmetrical daisy, and eight thousand other variations of six-sided figures. * [sorry, i had to check to make sure asterisks weren't eight-sided. I'm correct. moving on!]

I reluctantly brushed away the loose snow from my windshield with the wipers and waited for the rest to melt... i have an ice scraper, but i hate to use it (plus i'm just not very good at it - i look awkward and i drop the thing... remember what i said about Texans? ;D ) Well, i was late, and obviously not going to freeze my toes off trying to use my ice scraper, so i perilously departed like an idiot in my ice-encased vehicle; I never before noticed how exhilarating 20 mph could be in the ice. I got to church safely and stepped out of my car to see the morning sun shining through powdery snow gently sifting down off the rooftops and treetops of my whitened world -- it looked like someone had dumped buckets of infinitesimal specks of silver glitter into the atmosphere. i approached the church, breathless, and Ben the bachelor held the door for me. "Good morning, Ben!" i said, "Isn't it just beautiful?"

"Oh, yeah, i guess," he shivered, "kinda cold, though."

Father,

don't let me lose my wonder.

it's time!

...i've bought all my books.

i'm working banquets to support Wander, the precious 12-year old Dominican boy i give to each month.

i'm sending three checks home to my mom tomorrow to deposit for me.

and when they go through,

i'm finally buying a camera.

how blessed i've been to be able to save enough money to buy such an expensive piece of equipment! I justify this large purchase in hopes that it will eventually pay for itself. I will take good care of it, and I'm gonna start charging for my shoots. I'm thrilled. ecstatic.

I know for a fact most photographers don't generally go this nuts over the quality of camera that i'm about to buy - it's kind of the low man on the totem pole. But i have waited and waited, borrowed too many of my friends' cameras, and learned along the way. I've been frustrated about having to wait, but now i'm just so grateful. :)

need a photoshoot done? i'm your woman!!!

water

I, Julie, am water.

reflective, peaceful, moving

influential, compelling

inviting, vast, mysterious, deep, free

otherworldly, refreshing, liltingly energetic

soothing, sweet, laughing, bubbling

comforting, serene, intense and dancing.

i am water.

beauty

"The time will come that all that we love, we will eventually lose,

and all that we hate we will eventually face."

Not all that is beauty is evident

or displayed, that the world might have known;

for the sleeper will miss the ice trees and sunrise,

the cuddlers miss women windblown.

the strong living beauty, vivacious, inspiring

that could knock the breath from a grown man

if he looked -- if he just ever bothered to notice.

how tragic, for he won't, though he can.

For the stars in the cold still velvet winter sky

are not seen by those who are not brave.

the entranced scintillations are lost to the vision

of pine trees and great ocean waves.

Right here! here He is! do you know who He is?

the skies are exclaiming His praise!

and the whole of creation adores Him without us.

through sunsets, seasons, nights and days.

how have we not seen His glory, created?

how have we missed His love signs??

for there is nothing better than what He has made us.

i am Beauty's love, and He is mine.

conformity

hustle and bustle, and impatient fits-

where are your relationships now?

your mighty heart tumbled in hour of need

for shame, what your values allow.

hypocrisy all! do you see what you've done?

what you even continue to do?

snow gently drifts on your strong-set ideals

they must be used to benefit you.

all your cars in a row, and your ducks in a lot

the backwards norm twists us around!

but we move on, like cattle alike and the same

we rebel by obeying the sound

of the "fortunate" ones, those great povertous holes

we call stardom and wealth and great fame.

but they've bought their fortune, and lost all their souls.

and every last one

is the same.

winterkissed

harsh but beautiful, the cold hard truth,

seeking for right to be found

but truth if neglected, as winter-kissed plants,

will shrivel and die in the ground.

"tough love, baby, tough!" is more a battle cry

than it may seem to raw untrained ear.

she who has tried all else sings this love song

though it brings her to her greatest fear.

the death of the truth with the death of her love

was her nightmare and now is her song.

they've shriveled and died in a hole, side by side,

and have left her right-siding her wrongs.

but great Truth isn't dead, no! and Love never dies!

though those in your reality may...

never forget, winter plants grow again. 

hold hope as you wait, watch, and pray.

joy, peace, and hope

faith is heart instead of fact

love is a soft caress.

joy is a strength, in the face of unknown

to grin and say "nevertheless!"

integrity is roots too deep

to be moved by trendy gusts

peace knows you can fight for fair and calm seas:

yes, in order to find it, you must.

gentleness turns large men to lambs,

pride swells in honest chest.

hope is seeing through all things

the better, the great, the best.

"Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."

..what a fantastic line of thought! many times i think we follow the theology that tells us,without sadness, we wouldn't know what happiness really is - and without darkness we would not recognize the goodness of the light. but, when i think about it, light is light, whether it has darkness to penetrate or not. 

i often try to make a justification of sorts - because this day, two years ago, God let my back break.  I could not understand why a loving God would neglect all prayers and remove His hand of safety and watch me tumble into pain for probably the rest of my life. The depression that ensued for the next few months poisoned my once perpetually sunny disposition, and even after i returned from despair with considerable help, i didn't think i would ever be the same. My justification came in at this point, for i did not want to believe that i had suffered for nothing - "i'm so much better off for it," i told my friends. "Before, i was happy just because nothing bad had happened, but now i know happiness has a price. my outlook has changed - i know the world isn't all rainbows. my happiness now is informed happiness."

but hey, if i'm honest, 

i wish i could just be happy for no reason again. 

and sometimes, i am. i've learned through my experience with suffering that complaining makes nothing better, that pain makes you vulnerable to ask for help which in turn teaches you to trust, that being independent is not all there is to life, that people are good and merciful when you need them to be, that prayer is not ultimately ABOUT getting answers, and that God is always, always sufficient.

 God didn't facilitate my pain to show Himself to me, nor did He need a tragedy to change me. And by no means did He remove His hand of safety - i broke my back and i am alive. The miracles worked out in my life astound me. 

i am learning to be satisfied with what i am given, whether plenty or barely enough, [though just enough is plenty], whether comfort or pain, whether community or solitude. i am satisfied, for multicolored grace in many facets has been shown to me, a sinner. 

my God is so good!

Urbana

tight jeans getting tighter, loosen up your belt

the problems of america: more passively noticed than felt.

church, have we lost our fire? is there no global appeal?

while we sit on our butts and watch football, 

the faithful are rewarded for zeal.

rewarded with plentiful harvest, 

rewarded with fullness of soul

while we have such great loads of nothing

we seek stuff instead of the goal, which

should be constantly pushing us forward,

constantly making us new -- 

have we lost all semblance of this calling?

Oh Father, make us more like You.

departing--

how nice to be thought of,

how splendid to be loved. 

how wretched to leave,

but what great things await me.

with determination and optimism i set out

to be better than i was, more comely than i noticed, and greater than i knew i could be. 

i go now to be free. 

i can grow, i can learn, i can become, i can dance, i can change lives, i can invest, i can search, i can create, i can hear, see, taste, smell, and feel. i can find, i can write, i can rearrange, 

i can be faithful, i can devote, i can love.

i go now to be free.

heaven's love reaching down to save the world

Emmanuel.

God. with us. 

with us when no one else can be, with us when all we need is love. with us when we're lavished with comfort, with us when we can't stand the pain.

God is here, our servant king came to save the corrupted and depraved world.

and He is with us.

i don't think i fully grasp what it means to have Emmanuel. i don't think i fully understand just how thankful i should be. i know i should be groveling until i am gasping for breath, but if i grasped that concept, i would be doing it instead of stiffarming the Savior every day that i inhale, without a second thought, the air he gives me to breathe.

wrapped in flesh and in swaddling, wrapped in problems and inhibitions, bound by the limits of his being. limitless Lord in miniscule man, creator fettered inseparably to creature. God-child. God-man. Heavenly sacrifice.

Lord, you know our sorrows. You are well acquainted with grief.

be with us, be near us, as we remember when you joined us.

hold us in your arms and never let us go.

Emmanuel, how we adore you, our wonderful counselor, mighty God, and everlasting Father. You will never end and never fail.

Thank You for Christmas.

1John2

be not afraid to stand out, and, when you can't walk, to crawl,

 the world may scowl upon you for your youth

a betterment of self and still a betterment of all,

they need no teacher, who have been anointed with the truth.

obedience the truest sign of the purest form of love,

we search for truth, we do not want - we long;

you can overcome the one that we've been so warned of,

you're written to so soon because your youth has made you strong.

the man who speaks of sacrifice knows nothing of the cost

of an ink quill dipped in blood to sign the deed.

you claim to know of love but spurn your brother, child - you're lost.

no one who has not holiness can try to take the lead.

a love

a silent, soft, and silly love

is more priceless than you know

the sweetest of all, simply love

that won't just come and go.

a simpering and list'ning love

will know just what to say,

and when to speak and when to stop...

don't take my love away.

a debt i could not pay

a rush of fools, in august, has contained the wise for now,

the way i thought that things were good had changed my view somehow.

but the well was ill, and ill-intentioned, teetering to fall,

and fall it did, crashing upon the martyr i had the gall

to make my sad self out to be, and though the old i knew,

the youth was there, my sins laid bare. 

my debt is long past due.

silver spoon

if i pretend for just one moment i'm not of the privileged few - 

silver spoon out long enough to see and not construe, 

have i ever lived one moment of my own constructed time? 

have i ever sacrificed of something, ever spent a dime?

am i, mortal, just enough to tether flesh and soul,

or am i lavish living from a gold and crystal bowl?

who am i to beg for mercy? who am i to cry?

my tears fall softly, soaking velvet as my plump lips sigh.

i've wanted much, and given little; selfish, stubborn, and tough,

and had audacity to think of me as saintly stuff.

the silver spoon i'll sell for you, dear, you who will not eat

today, nor tomorrow; you who make your wares upon the street.

and privileged you know i am, but please, if you can see...

bring yourself not to look down on the lowly likes of me.

complex

sometimes i feel like such an impostor.

searching but contented-feeling, happy while alone

i'm simply the most compicated girl i've ever known.

is it a crime to just stay different - original, standout?

is it so bad to stand for things i think that i'm about?

for love and freedom, grace and peace, a wit that does no harm,

for independence right along with classy feminine charm.

i'm grace without the gracefulness, righteous but in the wrong - 

i can't stop singing, but i have yet to find a heartfelt song.

desired but not desirable, confused, i say! complex!

i watch as mountains of desire transform to far-off specks....

the good times, the warm feelings -

 they love me even though i'm different, don't they?

....and obviously, failing...

trying to write, trying to see

trying to know what's actually me.

trying to be who i thought i admired,

trying to live inspired.

living to splash, living to smile,

living to just lay around for awhile,

living to make precious mem'ries that last,

living to leave the past.

aiming to argue, aiming to please,

aiming to just stay away from the sleaze,

aiming to be cute and tender and true,

aiming to follow you.

fighting for clarity, fighting for good,

fighting to care about all that i should,

fighting to stay strong and do right, not fun,

fighting to remain the one.

legacy

as time is moving on 

you leave your mark upon the past

never knowing what gets lost in time

and what will choose to last

the moments that you knew

would never fall apart are gone

the lines that never seemed would

come to pass now have been drawn.

who knew that true reality

is a cold and biting chill?

the past is gone, but moving on

can kick and batter still.

new hope

i need a new reason to hope.

the old reasons are all used up

and new ones not forthcoming.

walking along, not singing my song,

i need a new reason to hope.

i need a new season to live.

my past seasons are all lived out

and a wall stands here before me.

i've done what i could to make them good

but i need a new season to live.

i want a new outlook on life.

my attitude is not the one

i want to be my story.

there is no way to smile today, 

i want a new outlook on life.

....

beauty is my new reason to hope. 

tomorrow is my new season to live.

determiation is my new outlook on life.

"gilead: a hill of testimony"

is there a balm in gilead to heal our putrid woes?

a salve, a soup to cure our ills and serve where'er it goes.

on the hill of testimony, pasts have been laid bare

to prove to one another we can make it, we've been there.

together we will come to find our stance upon ourselves

together, we can make it through the twenty-fours and twelves. 

we'll make it through, we'll find our way, get to a lovely place.

we'll leave this putrid, past-filled town, hold hands, 

and find the grace.

focus

life is so confusing if you watch it out of focus

the drums of death entered our sleep and so abruptly woke us.

we didn't know the time had come but something greater found it

completely necessary to give us no way around it.

so out of focus, not pretending otherwise to see me

needing a tip to find the truth from some great cosmic genie.

tumbling, swirling up (maybe down?) 

through space and time looking for meaning

stuck in your house wond'ring who, wond'ring how, 

your life is a mess and you're cleaning.

forever you'll clean and forever you're stuck 

because this mess is just like the dishes - 

the more that you serve, the more mess there is. 

mess regards none of your fervent wishes.

confusing but beautiful, hard - is it worth it,

this life that leaves many so broken?

at least you're on track now, the fairy tale's gone,

for now you know - now you've awoken.

a love that bleeds

sometimes i make the worst decisions ever. 

the easy is over, the happiness ends,

and your sentences end with a sigh.

drink coffee and eat, and be happy my friends,

for tomorrow our hearts may die.

thanks meets reminiscence.

body of Julie: "excuse me, but why are we lying down? it's definitely not time to sleep yet, and i am not done bein' awake and alive!!"

mind of Julie: "come on - you frustrate me when you can't just take a nap!! i see the big picture, and i know you'll be working through the night - i know what you need, and i just wish, for your sake, that you'd listen."

body of Christ: "what?? this timing is wacked out. Are you kidding me? i'm not going to be doing that now, thank you. maybe later, when i'm ready. you have definitely got this one wrong."

mind of Christ: "how i wish you could see what i see. i know what you need, and i only want what's wonderful for you. if you could only listen... how much better off you'd be."

don't worry, i realize that's cheezy, but it's exactly what i was thinking as i tried to nap for about an hour and a half. i just gave up. [[how much better He knows us that we even know ourselves.]]

...

i have loved this thanksgiving!

the slight snow was beautiful and charming, and the company was grand. i got to cook, and i got to eat, and i got to watch the Cowboys win. 

i have not been moping at all, though i have been missing. 

of course i wish i could be with my amazing mom and her whole loud, ridiculous Itailan and Swedish side of the family, especially after my grandmother's recent passing.

and i wish i could be with my dad, for all his quirks and tendencies that completely overwhelm me, and with HIS grandmother, who is 99 years old today.

i wish i could be with Josh and his mother Peggy, because they make me smile so much.

i wish i could be with Jena, and Jenny, because they have proved themselves beyond fair weather - they are true friends in the face of triumph or gloom.

i wish i could be in Texas, where it is not currently raining and thirtyish degrees. 

i wish i could be with you!

but how thankful i am to be where i have been placed. how thankful i am to work with what i have been given, and how wonderful it is to be thought of and secure in who i truly am. 

it is a good thanksgiving, and though i may spend some of it alone, i need not be lonely, for i have been loved.

what is love: ...baby don't hurt me.

seriously, what's love?

we keep asking. this generation keeps trying to define it. we're all so into it, all about it.

one pop artist took a stab at it:

"i mean she even cooks me pancakes
and alka seltzer when my tummy aches
if that ain't love then i don't know what love is

...

i love the way she calls my phone
she even got her very own ringtone
if that ain't love then i don't know what love is"

...seriously??

is this what we've got? personalized ringtones and pancakes in the shape of hearts?

how on earth have we reduced love to this? And... honestly; can we not even lyricize with tact and skill to express how our generation is loving?

has technology done this to us? is it instant gratification? our parents, maybe?

whatever has numbed us to love, it's left us confused, that's for sure. 

well, i'm confused.

but i feel like we suck at this. let's figure out how to love before we devote ourselves to it. what a great idea, to love... but what does it mean to you? do you aspire to love all? some? ...one? 

or maybe you don't realize it, but you only truly love yourself.

maybe if the person you envision your life with does lots of things to make you happy, you really only want to love... [[you.]]

she makes me comfortable and happy, and all i gotta do is not break up with her.

if that ain't love, then i don't know what love is.

seriously?

breaking point

originally uploaded by lettydavis.

so you've found your solace, have you?
so you've stopped to take a break?
what about the past that colors
every single new mistake?
behind you are your problems,
daunting imminence ahaid,
you told us you'd be better,
but that's only what you said.
it's hurtful, moving onward,
but it's therapeutic too
there is so much that awaits you
though the memories are through.
so you'll make it through this crossroads,
leave past problems at the door
pick up your head, child, love the change -
new life is worth living for.

change

are you safe, and strictly structured? does your symmetry astound?

does the order leave you yearning to say anything profound?

are you sucked into the falsehood that you'll run into the ground

if every moment isn't focused, if you stop to glance around -- 

and to see the precious rainbows and the colors that they cast?

are you missing all life's joys 'cause you're afraid of coming last?

and you know that you're not Living, 

you know somehow that there's more

than this petty recognition you've been hereto dying for.

and where is your path leading? to the ceiling? to the floor?

you've been searching up and down too long. 

let your gaze find the door

that will lead you to your freedom, that will lead you to your pride,

that will lead you to no longer feel so unbearably dead inside.

walk through this door of mercy, embrace this gate of grace,

and don't be too alarmed to find your tears upon your face.

don't think it won't be happy - your ills gone without a trace

but in letting love wash over you, you must let it find a place

to grow and root and change you, to make you more a man.

though you've never noticed it, it's always been the plan

to have you grow in gratitude, to watch you learn the way

to own up to what you do in life, and be careful what you say.

and while you may not ever change in all forever and a day,

you're loved enough to be believed in.

though you think you can't... you may.

semantics

oh, you're not too scared, you're just not good enough

so you're not constructing an effort.

and you can't even see how you limit yourself

as you tug at the hood on your sweatshirt.

no, you're not addicted, you just like the taste...

you repeatedly run to your downfall. 

you can't see past your sheer need and can't figure why

as you punch your fist straight through the drywall.

because, it's frustrating, to not know yourself.

it's hard not to understand why

we can't let others see the hurt in our face,

or admit to ourselves that we sigh.

so, you don't have a problem, it's just problematic

that you can't decipher your world. 

you're stuck in a whirlwind of thoughts and disasters

your mind feels spent, gnarled and knurled.

my heart goes out, dear, you're confused and upset,

and your heart cannot take much more beating.

don't lose hope, don't lose faith, don't lose hold of my hand.

for love is not lost, though it's fleeting.

the sweet defeat.

When defeat is inevitable, it is wisest to yield.

Quintilian

when love is forsaken, when rivalry sweet

has forgotten to warn you, knocks you off your feet,

nothing is ordered, it's not nice and neat,

it's like when your hot air and fantasy meet.

there's no need to get back up - please rest now! you're beat!

come on, why can't you just admit your defeat?

stand for you

photo by jonathan moultroup

there's a shocking incapacity

to see forest for the trees - 

what i mean is that there's needy ones,

we must have faith for these.

the world is full of bitter men,

the world is full of hate.

the world is full of selfishness - 

and soon may be too late

to help save love from dying out,

to salvage goodly truth.

we have to teach the next small ones 

to hold on to their youth,

and hold onto their innocence

and cling to their blind trust.

if we might be more childlike... 

no -

not that we might. we must.

dark and beautiful

[mine]
scary and sad, alive but mundane,

this life is dark but beautiful.

as it draws you in to the fullness of truth,

give in to the wooing, feel the calm lull.

'cause you can't escape and you can't slip through

the cracks of a system that wants us to cry.

...do you think we'll accept or resent the fact that

we'll be haunted by life 'til the day that we die?

inescapable and powerful, 

the dominance that grips our souls.

it holds them in strangled embrace,

until we learn to accept our role:

we're pawns throughout the universe,

scattered, our feelings rendered null.

the planets sing the every verse

of a song so sad; gorgeously dull.

blunted and foiled at every turn,

there's a smile in this mystery

that keeps us searching all our days - 

that makes us laugh, that lets us see.

and this is love.

[mine]

now, simple dreamer, what is love?

i see you have no clue. 

but your understated ignorance is drawing me to you.

you throw up your hands and wink and smile,

acknowledge you don't know,

but you live to like it, live to learn, and choose not to stay, but go. 

sweet action in the place of words,

eye glint and impish grin,

at your command, my heart will leap when your thumb holds my chin.

and is love over, is love gone,

or can love find a friend?

yes, your true love has forgotten romance and will never, ever end.

wreck of the day

[mine]

you're searching but have found no satisfaction,

you're grasping but your prize slips through your hands.

you string together precious golden mem'ries

and treasure every single gilded strand.

the desperation in your voice is blatant, 

and in your actions your despair shows through.

but will you let this battle be your downfall,

when there's so much that is unharmed left in you?

you're like a drunkard, wasting priceless moments

stumbling around, and sleeping though he wakes.

and just as senseless dogs return to vomit,

a fool are you, reliving your mistakes.

wake up and smell the coffee, precious cripple.

find feet again, and stand to go your way!

it's difficult, frustrating, and unsettling - 

but you will live to love another day.

resignation

[mine]

oh, sweet resignation, how familiar we are.

i've been hovering around you, see, i haven't wandered far. 

i'm not hiding, i'm invisible - beauty for none to see

i'm not anybody's someone, though i'm who i want to be. 

there is sting in bitterness so sweet, and pain in heart so full

always a drawback with a gain, always a backward pull.

the tears are never ended, made of anguish, fear, or joy,

made of reminiscence of a laughing, loving boy. 

and reconciliation, what a far-off dream you are.

oh reconciliation, sheer sweet hope and morning star,

but mournful resignation, how familiar we've become -  

you who leave me sad and visionless, and strike me mutely dumb.

there is a love.

there is a love that is always, forever. there is a love that proves true.

there is a love that keeps ever together, a love that is lavished on you.

there is a love that proves right is the winner: that fairy tale you're dreaming of.

there is a love that erases the sinner and in her place places a dove.

there is a love that demands unity; there is a love that forgives.

there is a love that took you to the tree... a crucified love that now lives.

by temporary_diversion

"he's never enough, and still he's more than i can take."

[mine]

what a mess i've made of this.

i'm sorry that i lost it. 

but i'm just done with life like that, 

and honestly exhausted.

your tears are falling all away,

your heart is failing faster.

oh, what a mess i've made of love.

what a redolant disaster.

dream of more

ojosdiele

your love hit me like sweet rain, 

all the world around me fell. 

should the others seek this joy?

for it's a blissful prison cell.

the caress that's strong and soft,

smooth as rust upon my skin

won't let me dwell on repercussions,

should i fully let you in.

to take the easy way is good

for those who won't expand their dreams

as they imprudently assume

that life is ever as it seems.

they don't want the love i found - 

the love that made my eyes to see.

because they only dream of sleep,

they'll sleep for all eternity.

here&now

oh, and she has waited..., originally uploaded by sing.sweet.

[mine]

the wait can overcome you
as the longing only grows,
but the joy of it will flood you
when your spirit finally knows.

wait for joy, now search for peace
while waiting is your lot -
look forward to the wedding feast,
but the present's all you've got.

boundaries.

[mine]

meant to keep out or stay ever inside,

boundaries create the apart. 

the barbed wire claws at fair liberty's side,

stabbing it through as a dart.

confusion and comfort, evade or embrace

necessary, but seemingly needless,

a person could find herself stark-raving-mad,

becoming quite utterly heedless.

chasing desire and throwing it out;

safe in the same space as yearning.

poking long hungry fingers through cold metal bars

that keep the soul prisoned, but learning.

hope is

[mine]

[[and i apologize for my obscene overuse of the word 'free']]

hope is shining, gleaming, brightly

hope is coming fast and free,

hope is streaming like the sun,

it's here for all the world to see.

hope is full and making converts

to the way of righteousness

the cosmic love of optimism-

easing guilt, erasing stress.

hope is like a noonday morning.

hope is like the scorching rain.

elusive; absurdly, it's bright but it's lovely

hope is the ultimate, paramount gain.

finally

it's great to be a part of something bigger than myself.

i'm feeling small

but not at all 

like i'm stuck on a shelf.

its so rewarding just to be the one who celebrates

to know that love

is the presence of

a triumph over hate.

it's interesting to finally know that what i want is right.

to finally see

that i can be

the one whose dreams take flight.

my story

must i always be the person that i think i have become?

must i always live the story pasts provide?

no, i'm changing and creating ever, always, as i live

leading lady in my story- i decide.

my story is as big as i imagine it to be,

my story is what i have made of life.

as light flickers through a window, warming what it deigns to touch,

moving as the sun moves through the day,

my life could be a sunbeam, moving on as life demands,

but blessing those i contact on my way.

my story is the way i act when all is going wrong,

my story is whoever i have touched.

and so, i know i choose how i react and who i am,

i know i am the author of my own. 

i hope i choose to make this life more meaningful than fun.

so that, when i am older, i have grown.